There is this lady who came near my table asking for permission to take some empty chairs over to her table.

Lady, pointing to the empty chair: Ada orang ke? (“Is there someone?” *in Bahasa Malaysia)

Me: Lei kong mat chat? (“What are you talking about?” *in rude Cantonese)

In Malaysia, most Malays cannot understand the Chinese language. However, most other races can understand and speak fluent Bahasa Malaysia. The Malays are often very reluctant to speak in other languages than theirs. Even if they speak in the English Language, they will have accent, with their own flow and generous fare of lah’s. I am not in the mood to make her understand, not this time.

The lady was taken back slightly and looks quite surprise at my response. Somehow she summed up her courage to ask again.

Lady, pointing to the empty chair: Ada orang ke? (this time much louder)

Me: Ni Mah Ter. Ni suo seh meh? (Some vulgarities and “What are you talking about?” *in Mandarin)

She scoffs and walks off.

Moral of the story? There is none actually, just fed up.

You may drive slowly, you may even stop if you want, but make bloody sure you are not in other people’s way when you do that.

These road hoggers are selfish and oblivious to the dangers and the inconveniences they are causing other road users. I suspect they are somewhat blind and deaf. They could not care less about the flashing lights or blaring horns from the cars behind. I must add they are also bad tempered and ill mannered. The moment you overtake them, often by using the slow lane, they will give you the “I-own-the-road” glance. Some may even give you the middle finger.

It is easy to recognize them. It is either genetically built in or a universally recognized “road hogger trademark”. Most wear sunglasses. They will have their driver seat adjusted very close to the front almost hugging the steering wheel. This is also the reason why they cannot see or use the rearview mirror. They look tensed and eyes fixed and scour the road right in front of the car and have the look and concentration of a Formula One driver going at blazing 300kmph. Truth is they are driving 60kmph on the fast lane of a highway rated for 110kmph.

Generally road hoggers are uneducated and cannot read road signs. Messages are being shown on highways saying “Ikut Kiri Jika Tidak Memotong” or “Keep left unless overtaking”. Somehow these messages are not comprehended and are ignored.

When someone hog the fast lane by driving slowly, other motorists have to overtake on the slow lane. This will cause accidents to happen. Any slight alarm will trigger the right-hand side driver’s normal reflect to swerve left. So beware the road hogger to suddenly swerve into you if you do just as little as to press the horn while overtaking them.

There are many researches done and have proven that you save fuel by going more slowly. Somehow no research has been done on time wasted while driving slowly. You save some money but at the same time you are making your life shorter and riskier by spending too much time on the road and exposing yourself to unnecessary risks. I would say slow drivers has a shorter and riskier life.

Driving safe and carefully is not the same as driving slowly. This misconception is instilled in every motorist by the road safety campaign every time it is promoted. Are you so stupid as to not know how to differentiate between safe driving and slow driving?

Simply called the 4D Game, it is a simple game of chance. It is simple and easy to play. Just place a small bet on any combination of four numbers and if it is drawn by any of the three lottery operators in the country, you strike a prize.

Often if there are any road accidents, most motorists will slow down, take out a pen and jot down the number plates of the car/s involved in the accident. They believe the more severe the accident, the higher the chance the numbers will come up in the lottery draw.

I have heard of many types of reasoning, if the car is rammed from behind, buy the set of numbers backward. If the car overturned, then six (6) becomes nine (9) and vice versa, etc etc.

There you go, good luck!

Disclaimer: No one is hurt or harmed in the above picture. Numbers may or may not come up in the lottery draw. Please bet within your means. Thank you.

I have seen many types of rubbish being thrown out of a moving car. Tissue papers, unwanted bits of papers and wrappers, packets of drinks, plastic bags and tins, rambutan peels, glass bottle from obviously drunk drivers who throw just to break it and you just name it objects. I would not be surprised if someone were to throw some durian skins out of the car during this durian season.

Malaysians still have the “as long as it is not on my turf” mentality when it comes to throwing rubbish. Even neighbours will conveniently sweep rubbish to the house next door given the chance. This I can attest to. I do not smoke and no one in my household eats sweets or junk food. Somehow cigarette butts, junk food plastic bags and sweets wrappers will conveniently appear in front of my apartment’s doorway every evening. Maybe it is out of convenient, maybe it is the wind.

Those who want to see the ultimate in rubbish throwing frenzy has to visit the night market also known as “pasar malam” when they are done for the night. Truckloads of rubbish are strewn all over the street where the night market operates. There is no proper recycling effort. Organic and non organic matters are treated the same. Drains and waterways are full of them and the rain often gets the blame when floods happen.

Movies and unrealistic advertisement back then depicts smokers as idol and cool dude. I still remember the advertisement where the bald eagle of America flying over the outback plains. Two cowboys then emerges and brew coffee on a bonfire while smoking. Smoking represents the free spirit, peace and style. That is the power of advertisements.

I stopped smoking more than two years ago. Smoking is making my teeth yellow and I reek of smoke smell all the time. Food is tasteless and I have to take too many breaks to smoke. I made a resolution and I stopped cold turkey.

There is a price to pay, however. Food taste nicer now. Food makes me grow fat. Fat people sweat more. Instead of smoke smell, now I smell of sweat.

I am having a new resolution. I am going on a diet.